Reading: By Pastor Gary Chapman, Ph.D.
Today we’re going to have a reading by Gary Chapman, from his book The 5 Love Languages: The Secrete to Love That Lasts.
When I got married, I got this book from my cousin as a wedding gift. It was the BEST gift! I found it very helpful in my relationships and in my life. Gary Chapman is also a pastor. He is a marriage counselor as well. He has a lot of experience in this wonderful stuff. He has written many other books around the same topic.
I won’t be reading straight through. There’s a few different points I will highlight.
The 5 Languages of Love are:
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
The problem is that we have overlooked one fundamental truth: People speak different love languages…we speak and understand best our native language. WE feel most comfortable speaking that language. The more we use a secondary language, the more comfortable we become conversing in it. If we speak only our primary language and encounter someone else who speaks only his or her primary language, which is different from ours, our communication will be limited. We must rely on pointing, grunting, drawing pictures, or acting out our ideas. We can communicate but it is awkward. Language differences are part and parcel of human culture. If we are to communicate effectively across cultural lines, we must learn the language of those with whom we wish to communicate. In the area of love, it is similar. Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English. No matter how hard you try to express love in English, if your spouse understands inly Chinese, you will never understand how to love each other.
He goes on to say…
My conclusion after thirty years of marriage counseling is that there are five emotional love languages. – five ways that people speak and understand emotional love…
The purpose of this book is not to eliminate all confusion surrounding the word love, but to focus on that kind of love that is essential to our emotional health. Child psychologists affirm that ever child has certain basic emotional needs that must be met if he is to be emotionally stable. Among those emotional needs, none is more basic than the need for love and affection., the need to sense that he or she belongs and is wanted. With an adequate supply of affections, the child will likely develop into s responsible adult. Without that love, he or she will be emotionally and socially challenged.
I liked the metaphor the first time I heard it: “Inside every child is an ‘emotional tank’ waiting to be filled with love. When a child really feels loved, he will develop normally, but when the love tank is empty, the child will misbehave. Much of the misbehavior of children is motivated by the cravings of an empty ‘love tank.’” I was listening to Dr. Ross Campbell, a psychiatrist who specializes in the treatment of children and adolescents.”
What is your own love language? How do you best receive love? Do you feel loved when someone gives you gifts? When someone spends quality time with you? How about when someone says something nice to you (words of affirmation). Physical touch – hug, kiss, fingers through hair – how do you best receive love? How do you like people to express their love to you? It could be romantic love, all kinds of love.
He also has a version of the book for children, the workplace, and more. You can translate this information to pretty much any setting. He also has a quiz in the book where you can find out your love language.
When we all know each other’s love language, it helps to create relationship and community.